Notes from a Fantasy Father
        by Edwin Paul Cutler

           March 1999

 
     When my children came to me with a question, I tried my best to give a proper answer. But, to my dismay, their question was often not what they really wanted to know, so my answer was useless. If they did ask the right question, since I didn't know all the contingencies my advice was most often wrong or didn't really apply, and I was discouraged when they claimed I didn't understand.
     After observing numerous misguided children floundering in a morass of inapplicable advice I realized something was wrong. To try to clarify the situation, when a question was put forth, rather than provide an immediate answer, I, instead, asked what are the alternatives and what do you really want to do. I then pursued the situation further by asking which alternative they thought was best and why.
     To my amazement, I found them selecting the obviously best solution and thanking me for helping them and telling each other how well Dad seemed to understand things.
     And now, years later, I discover they are using the same evaluation techniques to make their decisions: list the alternatives and evaluate each possibility, then choose the one that promised the greatest benefit for all. Not only that, but they are asking their children to suggest alternatives and make value judgments.
     What do you think about this?